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The sprawling, epic saga of four (or five, sort of) influential authors, all of whom have, alas, joined the choir invisible, but who also, may all our flagons of ale in Valhalla ever be full, cannot sue me.
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I know how to prove that men and women are fundamentally different: Put a man and a woman into separate rooms alone with a new appliance—say, a bread machine—and watch what happens. The woman will make some bread. On the other hand—bear in mind that this is a brand new appliance, right out of the […]
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We’re still working on Best Half’s new digs for her salon; I stopped by early this morning on my way home from taking Mom to the eye doctor to pick up some tools I needed and discovered a possum curled up sleeping on the sidewalk in front of the door. I thought “Aw, how […]
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Today I’m binge-watching Bob Ross. No, really.
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I like frogs. Not real frogs, in a terrarium as pets. They aren’t exactly cuddly. I do like frogs’ legs, though. They aren’t cuddly either; just delicious. It’s just something I like collecting. Frog stuff: Frogs on T‑shirts; Far Side cartoons that feature frogs; ceramic frogs. Some folks collect Matchbox cars; some folks collect comic […]
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Before Rohypnol, Jethro Tull T‑shirts were, alas, the only way a lot of guys could get laid.
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You’ve heard this saying: “If you don’t like the weather in (wherever you are), just wait five minutes and it’ll change!” This, my friends, is Fake News. I’ve lived in, or spent enough time in, enough states to get an idea what the weather is like: Oregon, Washington (State and DC), Colorado, Texas, Arizona, Florida […]
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Call me Pope Ernie. Or His Holiness Ernest the Oneth, if you’re a Shiite Catholic.
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I love the smell of The Surfaris first thing in the morning!
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Are you angry? Hungry? Hangry? Emotions are confusing, so here’s a chart. If you’ve ever watched people argue online, you know the argument’s over the instant someone posts a chart. You can’t argue with charts!
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John Denver didn’t die, kid. He just went home.
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Be afraid. Be very afraid.
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Ten years since she left us: Here’s to one of the greatest dogs of all time.
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Interesting factoids about Led Zeppelin. Smell at your own risk.
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This post is about a song by The Righteous Brothers. I don’t know if they really were righteous, but I do know they weren’t brothers.
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Death has an iPhone 5s and a pair of Beats headphones?
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Our dogs got into a fight Monday. They say not to break up a dog fight, but I’m not gonna sit and watch them fighting in the living room. Sasha had provoked a number of fights with Pepper, and Pepper would grab Sasha by the scruff of her neck and just pin her down while […]
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In these abominably wretched vile tragic despicable times, these times can be abjectly shocking.
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It’s been at least 35 years since I thought of this song. If you were in high school in the late ’70s, you’ll probably shriek in horror and outrage just from seeing the title and artist: “Children of the Sun” by Billy Thorpe. If, like me, you bought the album, you no doubt remember Thorpe […]
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Writing anything autobiographical is kind of like the second verse in that Neil Diamond song “I Am I Said”: Did you ever read about a frog Who dreamed of bein’ a king And then became one? Well except for the names And a few other changes Like leaving out irrelevant stuff and compressing the timeline […]
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And now, children, hear and remember the tale of me, Billy Paul, Mrs. Jones, my friend Rob, and my dog Meatball: Long, long ago, in a little state named Kansas, which no one wants to admit coming from except the classic rock band Kansas and possibly Bob Dole, two young men and a dog were […]
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You know what’s wrong with kids these days? I’ll tell ya what’s wrong with kids these days! When I was a kid, everyone I knew was familiar with the aria “Votre toast je peux vous le rendre” from the opera Carmen, aka “The Toreador Song” (skip ahead to 1:12): [embedyt] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk26y9rL5UE[/embedyt] No, we weren’t opera […]
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No Nazis were harmed in the production of this film, unfortunately.
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I wonder if the boy’s name was Woody.
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So this just happened: I’ve got a bit of a stuffy nose today, which is good, because The S.O. has been suffering with adult croup all week and that means I probably haven’t caught it. So I said, “Hey; where’s the Mucinex?” Meaning, of course, the brand name of the popular decongestant. Except that’s not […]
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I didn’t look like a kid with big hands; I looked like a kid wearing a pair of those giant foam hands they use to play Slapjack on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.