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‘Frogs,’ aka ‘Why Sam Elliott Wishes He’d Been in a Porno’

I like frogs. Not real frogs, in a terrarium as pets. They aren’t exactly cuddly. I do like frogs’ legs, though. They aren’t cuddly either; justRead More

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Happy Little Bloodbath

Today I’m binge-watching Bob Ross. No, really.

Read This Right Now!

Spelling and grammer and all that stuff! Supposibly its like real important

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If you experience an erection lasting more than 4 hours, congratulations! Do not autoclave. Keep away from open flame. May cause hunger pangs and excessive salivation. Light fuse and get away.

Wash hands. Push button. Rub hands together under warm air.

Do not insert into penis. You must be this tall ↑ to enter the ride. Driver does not carry cash. This product has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Safety goggles and HazMat suit recommended. Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball. Do not fold, staple, spindle or mutilate.

Keep out of reach on children. Suffocation risk. Do not wash hair or clothing in the toilet. No shirt, no shoes, no problem. May cause drowsiness. Alcohol may intensify the fun.

Never work with a forklift driver named Klaus. Not intended for highway use. Stunt driver on closed course. Do not attempt. Don't forget to feed your Trunk Monkey. Objects in mirror may be closer than they appear.

Avoid California: Everything in California causes cancer.