Do you think the Cin­na­mon Chal­lenge or the Tide Pod chal­lenge were for sissies? You’ve come to the right place!

GROT¹ Chal­lenges Inc. is a non­prof­it orga­ni­za­tion devot­ed to thin­ning the herd. The aver­age teen is–let’s be can­did here–really stu­pid. GROT aims to raise teen IQs by remov­ing the ones dumb enough to eat laun­dry deter­gent or Car­oli­na Reapers or con­cen­trat­ed spices. The prob­lem is that they aren’t dead­ly enough.

We’ve includ­ed this free starter kit with sug­ges­tions to pur­sue GROT pol­i­cy a bit more aggres­sive­ly. Post these any­where dumb teens con­gre­gate: Tik-Tok, Insta­gram, and so on. Or print stick­ers with a chal­lenge or two and put them on their lock­ers in school.

If these inspire you to cre­ate any of your own GROT chal­lenges, post them in the com­ments. Every lit­tle bit helps!

• Kool-Aid Chal­lenge: Scream “Oh yeeeeah­h­h­hh!” and run as fast as you can head­first into a brick wall.
• Wood­chip­per Chal­lenge: Jump into a run­ning wood­chip­per. Extra points if you dive in feet-first.
• Slid­ing Down the Razor Blade of Life Chal­lenge: See who can slide down the razor blade the most times while lis­ten­ing to Tom Lehrer’s “Bright Col­lege Days.”
• Mad Max/Crash Test Dum­my Chal­lenge: Spray yel­low and black paint on your face and into your mouth, accel­er­ate your car to at least 100mph, then scream “Shiny and new!” before cross­ing lanes into a head-on with a semi.
• Mean­er Than a Junk­yard Dog Chal­lenge: Infil­trate an under­ground dog-fight­ing ring with your friends and take turns attack­ing a pit bull.
• Ulti­mate Taste Bud Destruc­tion Chal­lenge: Take shots of Car­oli­na Reaper pep­pers mar­i­nat­ed in a mix­ture of grain alco­hol, cap­saicin, cin­na­mon, crys­tal meth, papri­ka, nut­meg and ace­tone. The shots must be lit on fire before con­sump­tion.

1. Get Rid of Teenagers