Category
Peeps
‘Frogs,’ aka ‘Why Sam Elliott Wishes He’d Been in a Porno’
I like frogs. Not real frogs, in a terrarium as pets. They aren’t exactly cuddly. I do like frogs’ legs, though. They aren’t cuddly either; just delicious. It’s just something I like collecting. Frog stuff: Frogs on T‑shirts; Far Side cartoons that feature frogs; ceramic frogs. Some folks collect Matchbox cars; some folks collect comic books. I collect frogs. I was in Topeka, KS—my home town—last week. And there’s a sports bar in Topeka called Jeremiah Bullfrogs.Read More
A Churnin’ Urn o’ Burnin’ FUNK!
Before Rohypnol, Jethro Tull T‑shirts were, alas, the only way a lot of guys could get laid.
John Denver Was an Alien and He Killed Himself and All I Got Out Of it Was This Boring Childhood
John Denver didn’t die, kid. He just went home.
My Dad’s Hands
I didn’t look like a kid with big hands; I looked like a kid wearing a pair of those giant foam hands they use to play Slapjack on the Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.
We and Mrs. Jones
And now, children, hear and remember the tale of me, Billy Paul, Mrs. Jones, my friend Rob, and my dog Meatball: Long, long ago, in a little state named Kansas, which no one wants to admit coming from except the classic rock band Kansas and possibly Bob Dole, two young men and a dog were tooling around town in the legendary muscle car Charles the Deep Breather, which probably sounds silly because you weren’t there,Read More