Words in a Row

Spelling and grammer and all that stuff--supposibly its like, real important!

Assisted Twister

You’ve heard this say­ing: “If you don’t like the weath­er in (wher­ev­er you are), just wait five min­utes and it’ll change!” This, my friends, is Fake News. I’ve lived in, or spent enough time in, enough states to get an idea what the weath­er is like: Ore­gon, Wash­ing­ton (State and DC), Col­orado, Texas, Ari­zona, Flori­da (and Aku­mal, Mex­i­co and Guangzho, Chang­sha, and Hong Kong in Chi­na). But I grew up in Kansas Kansas is the onlyRead More

Pope Ernie

Call me Pope Ernie. Or His Holi­ness Ernest the Oneth, if you’re a Shi­ite Catholic.

‘The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy,’ by Kurt Vonnegut. Sort Of

The sprawl­ing, epic saga of four (or five, sort of) influ­en­tial authors, all of whom have, alas, joined the choir invis­i­ble, but who also, may all our flagons of ale in Val­hal­la ever be full, can­not sue me.

Some Disassembly Required

I know how to prove that men and women are fun­da­men­tal­ly dif­fer­ent: Put a man and a woman into sep­a­rate rooms alone with a new appliance—say, a bread machine—and watch what hap­pens. The woman will make some bread. On the oth­er hand—bear in mind that this is a brand new appli­ance, right out of the box—the man will take the bread machine apart to see how it works. I’m not sure what dri­ves men to takeRead More

The True Story of the Maximally Flaccid Pud and Your Tax Dollars at Work

I wonder if I overdid this. Nah, it's perfect.

Dick, Willy, Rod and Peter would like a word.

Vote for Willy Wonka and the Oompa-Loompas: Because America Deserves NOTHING!

Vote for Willy Won­ka! Because a grownup would just want to do every­thing HIS way.

The Helicopter Song

I love the smell of The Surfaris first thing in the morning!

I love the smell of The Sur­faris first thing in the morning!

Feelings

Are you angry? Hun­gry? Hangry? Emo­tions are con­fus­ing, so here’s a chart. If you’ve ever watched peo­ple argue online, you know the argu­men­t’s over the instant some­one posts a chart. You can’t argue with charts!

John Denver Was an Alien and He Killed Himself and All I Got Out Of it Was This Boring Childhood

John Den­ver did­n’t die, kid. He just went home.

If You Give Your Wife a Peppermint Plant…

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.