In these dif­fi­cult times, times can be uncer­tain.

That’s why, in these chal­leng­ing times, we often expe­ri­ence demand­ing times.

And in these demand­ing times, adver­tis­ers espe­cial­ly are con­front­ed with tough times find­ing suf­fi­cient­ly severe syn­onyms to describe these try­ing times.

So, dur­ing these hor­rid times, we stand ready to help you through these cat­a­stroph­ic times; times so ghast­ly we scarce dare give them utter­ance. Because it’s real­ly, real­ly atro­cious­ly hard to find syn­onyms dread­ful enough for these appalling times of har­row­ing times.

There­fore we find our­selves, dur­ing these apoc­a­lyp­tic times, feel­ing sober­ly proud and also hon­ored­ly solemn to pro­vide you, our beloved, alert, revered, per­spi­ca­cious and also emi­nent­ly watch­ful edu­cat­ed wise insight­ful bril­liant nim­ble sheep, with the—wait; make that bril­liant nim­ble SHREWD, um, smart peo­ple.

Just remem­ber: In these abom­inably wretched vile trag­ic despi­ca­ble times, these times can be abject­ly shock­ing heinous bar­bar­i­cal­ly mal­odor­ous noi­some putrid scabrous scat­a­log­i­cal pes­tif­er­ous icky no-good very bad yucky and no fun at all.

That’s why we want to remind you that we’re all in this togeth­er, so why not use 70 or 80 words when one or two would do?